With tongue firmly in cheek, Lalita Srinivasan shares with us her experiences and opinions on virtually everything.
Stirred
But Not Shaken (6th June 2002)
I lunged at what seemed an over-sized cucumber and cried, "Zucchini!"
The vegetable vendor enlightened me that that was indeed a mere cucumber
and held up the most wanted zucchini...
The
Serious Business of Beauty Parlours (18th April 2002)
To venture into a beauty parlour with an enemy, known or otherwise, is
like shooting yourself in the leg, face or head depending which portion
of your person has been worked on. Anyway there is always a well-intentioned
friend who will also be looking to visit the parlour with a person similarly
disposed towards her...
Rambling
Again (14th March 2002)
In fact I suggest a correctional facility for all the goons in the country
that masquerade as a ram sevak or a jehadi. Stick them in
there and subject them to recordings of Rendezvous with Simi Garewal...
The
Lost Generation (21st February 2002)
One no longer had to visit or fly over America to get the accent. Useful
hours spent watching soaps, sitcoms and music videos would do the trick.
As a result a whole generation is no longer Indian but citizen of the
world...
Let Miss India Speak her Mind
(7th February 2002)
Contestants should be allowed to think for themselves and speak their
mind. Originality is something shamefully lacking in the pageant...
Words for 2001 (27th December
2001)
Terror, Peace, Faith, Freedom, Chutzpah, Valiant, Candid Camers, Cricket,
Unity...
A Superior Plot (20th December 2001)
The plot had it all. It was terrifying, brilliant, daring. It was a plot
that any novelist would have killed for...
Culture Crusaders (13th December
2001)
The most popular cause of the cream of the thug society in India is culture.
Cinema to them is the epitome of culture...
American Express - "Nothing Express"...
(6th December 2001)
Give me a good old Indian nationalized bank any day. At least they do
not pretend to be efficient unlike MNC banks that suffer delusions of
efficiency.
The Geriatric Society of India
(22nd November 2001)
Consider the leaders of our nation. They could form a Geriatric society.
The President is 81, the Prime Minister is 77, the Home Minister is 74,
the Defense Minister is 71, the HR Minister is 67...
Woe to the Pickpocket (15th
November 2001)
There I was, happily browsing books, admiring the lifestyle goods, trying
out the various comfortable beanbags and rocking chairs. Then I was robbed.
French Buffet (8th November
2001)
Just when the sweat was about to drop into the soup he stuck out his tongue
and caught it. Whew! That was close.
Crash Course in Islam (1st
November 2001)
Women all over the world in all strata of society have fought long and
hard to get where they are. But the Islamic woman seems to accept polygamy,
the shackles of a burqa, an unequal status in her society and even the
denial of a right to education without question...
I've Got Mail (25th October
2001)
...the first mail I open is my Astromantra. I know in advance if I should
expect to get grief from the boss or if the co-workers are scheming to
get me, if I'm going to receive blessings from a saintly person, whether
I should spend time with the beloved. Armed with such knowledge I can
face my day.
Abusing Democracy (18th October
2001)
I read yesterday that the BJP party workers went berserk at the Taj Mahal.
They vandalized India's most famous monument, peed all over the gardens
and fountains, heckled the women tourists...
Master of the Universe 11th
October 2001)
The US, "the Master of the Universe" has finally struck. It
selectively targeted places like military runways, aircraft, surface-to-air
missile sites, airports and terror training camps...
Ramblings (4th October 2001)
I recently attended a rock fest. It was a competition event for the city's
amateur rock bands. No, this is not a vitriolic attack on the performances.
They were terrific...
Oh, What a Joke (27th September
2001)
I have absolute faith in the entertainment provided by the government
of Tamil Nadu. If you thought you had seen it all, think again...
Jesus Lived in the Himalayas!!!
(6th September 2001)
In some schools in Uttar Pradesh and Rajasthan, history books teach that
Jesus Christ spent several days in the Himalayas and imbibed knowledge
and inspiration for Christianity from Hindu sadhus and sanyasis...
Political High-jinks (23rd
August 2001)
Ex-CM and freshly minted 'victim' Dr. K. Karunanidhi has not been to the
Tamil Nadu Assembly since his electoral defeat in May 2001...
Who Killed Independence Day?
(16th August 2001)
Slaving in my office on Independence Day got me thinking. You know it's
illegal to work on a national holiday but such is my commitment towards
my project that I would go to jail for it...
Singing the Blues (9th August
2001)
The Monday Morning Blues is a serious condition where one feels manically
depressed at the thought of going to work after the weekend. My Monday
morning blues technically start on Sunday evening after I have said goodbye
to my friends...
In Pursuit of Entertainment
(2nd August 2001)
My pursuit of entertainment begins every Saturday afternoon. After being
chained to my workstation all week I consider it my right to be entertained.
My mind conjures up images of extravagantly hedonistic pleasures...
Betrayal of the Service Providers
(26th July 2001)
Have to pay for SMS, soon may have to pay for e-mail accounts. I feel
cheated. I'm all for capitalism but I feel cheated. It's unfair...
The House of Building Cosmetics
(19th July 2001)
T-puram is a quaint city (many shops have these delightful names and slogans),
green, hilly and lazy...
Jaffles at Hawah Beach (12th
July 2001)
It is right on the beach, the view of the crashing sea is superb and entertaining
if you include the sight of really chubby foreigners frolicking in the
waves...
Paaartyyyy!!! (5th July 2001)
This was a Paaartyyy!! There was a designer birthday cake depicting a
football field (parents must be into football). There were foreigners
dressed as clowns to entertain the guests (of all ages) with skits and
games...
U R Invited (28th June 2001)
Of late I've come across some really 'different' wedding invitations,
which have got me interested in collecting them. I am happy that some
individuals take time to get creative with their wedding invitations...
My Pet Project (21st June 2001)
Being a reader of Gerald Durrel and James Herriot, one of my greatest
projects as a child was to have a pet. Since my parents thought raising
me and my brother was a circus enough they refused to entertain any requests...
The Outlaws (14th June 2001)
I recently read that President Bush's twin daughters got into a spot
of trouble for trying to buy alcohol when they have not attained the legal
age to do so. Last year Tony Blair's son was picked up totally wasted...
It's Karma (7th June 2001)
We are a nation of fatalists. Anything that happens to us is our fate.
Which actually is not a bad belief because it allows us to accept the
tragedies and obstacles faced in life and move on...
Summers to Remember (31st May 2001)
Ah! those glorious days of summer holidays. The thrill felt on the
eve of the first official day of holiday laced with the relief of exams
getting over...
When's Time Out? (24th May 2001)
Study hard, get a good job, and get ahead in life. Phrases we've heard
all our lives...
The Boys from USA (17th May 2001)
There comes a time in the life of most girls when they have to be
"seen" by boys. This is the way most folks in India have got
married and with great success...
It's Election Time! (10th May 2001)
I really shouldn't be writing about the elections. I am hardly an
authority on the subject...
The Art of Making PC (3rd May 2001)
I'm not talking about putting together a computer, all you geeks out
there. Making PC, Polite Conversation for the uninitiated, is an art...
Marching to My Own Beat (26th April
2001)
Let me be./I don't understand/your definitions/I have my own.
The Places I've Been (19th April 2001)
Amsterdam is a delightful city. My friend and I stayed in a hotel
overlooking the sex shops...
