Give me a good old Indian nationalized bank any day. At least they do not pretend to be efficient unlike MNC banks that suffer delusions of efficiency.

The company I worked for previously banked with American Express. I remember the day the American Express Bank agents invaded our office. Two chappies made us employees fill out forms, took our mugshots with a Polaroid camera and left. Within the next few days we had our personalized checkbooks and shiny new ATM cards. That's where the efficiency ended.

We soon realized the non-usefulness of the ATM cards. American Express has only one ATM dispenser located at its main branch on Mount Road. So you need to be in the vicinity of Mount road in order to draw money. It does have a tie-up with IDBI bank where customers can use the IDBI ATM facility but I have never known it to work with any reliability. The more urgent your need for cash the more likely its services will be "temporarily unavailable."

When I changed jobs I wrote to Amex asking them to close my account. In the letter I specified the address to which they should send my balance and also thoughtfully enclosed unused, cancelled cheque leaves. I didn't receive my money in the many months that followed. After a futile attempt to enquire over the phone which involves a process of being connected to people who will parrot "American Express, May I help you" in a disinterested tone of voice. In the midst of explaining why you seek their help they will rudely transfer you to yet another voice. I hung up on the fifth transfer and went to the bank myself.

There I enquired after my balance. The man promptly checked on the computer and said that it had been debited and the account was closed. I said I hadn't received it. He then said he'd check with the Proof of Delivery and call me back on a particular day. I didn't receive any such call. So I trudged back to Amex. After enquiring yet again he said that they had indeed made a mistake and sent the balance to my previous employer. (Obviously the staff in American Express are incapable of reading and following written instructions.) But, he said, still maintaining the facade of efficiency, that they had now mailed the balance to the address mentioned in my letter. With that he expected me to go away. I replied that I was yet to receive it though about three weeks had elapsed since my previous visit to Amex. Of course he apologised and said that he would "check" (They always check). Then, as if doing me a favour, the man said if I could wait for a few minutes I could take my money with me. Hallelujah!! I had waited for three months what's another five minutes.

But the five minutes stretched on and my patience wore out. I began to stare down the front-office man. He darted about the office apologizing every time my venomous gaze got to him. After I started tapping my foot with a disturbing rhythm he said that he would hold back my cheque and that I could pick it up at my convenience. I launched into a tirade against American Express and told him exactly what I thought of their bumbling, inefficient excuse of a bank.

There is nothing Express about American Express.