"In the first place, you've failed in the exams because Raahu is in the second place in your horoscope." This is not a roadside astrologer spinning yarn for a livelihood, as you may have presumed, but may be an esteemed professor opining on the fate of his unfortunate student.

Yes. If our honourable Human Resources Development Minister, Mr. Murli Manohar Joshi, has his way Vedic Astrology would soon be a subject in universities all over India. I'm sure he'll be ecstatic if it is made a compulsory subject. Wonder if the resemblance of his family name to the word 'josyam' was the inspiration! Just because our learned Minister (who has talked about compulsory military recruitment - one male from every family and insisted on Sanskrit Saraswati Vandan as the prayer song in the secular Government's official gathering) and a high-decibel Professor (who probably pushed his way up politically to a plum post in the UGC) have the audacity to say that Vedic Astrology is a 'scientific discipline', it does not mean that its veracity is undisputable.

I do agree that the very concept of prediction and premonition are exciting. The idea and its allure have a global presence alright. True, the Tamils put the Sun at the center of their nine planet Gods (Nava Grahangal) centuries before the rest of the world even started thinking about the possibility of the existence of other planets. But why confuse the history of science with the science of foretelling! The question here is one of astrology's academic standing.

I believe in gravity because the apple falls down whenever I throw it up. But, where is such empirical authenticity for astrology? If the position of certain celestial bodies during the time of my birth has already determined my life's course what do I do here, planning all my plans? If my efforts succeeded, our family astrologer, I'm sure, would say that it was all written in my horoscope. By Jupiter, this has no scope! Most people, including this writer of interesting pieces, cannot even discern what they see through a telescope. Or worse, a kaleidoscope! I feel most justifications for astrology are based on the knowledge obtained through the more recent sciences. As far as my knowledge goes, no correlation of celestial events and earthly happenings has ever been proved beyond doubt. (Maybe the Magi overdid their superstition, or an extreme coincidence, giving birth to a new religion and thus giving way to the brutal Crusades).

Talking about correlations, I have to say that the Sunday predictions in my favourite newspaper about my week ahead under Sun Signs and Moon Signs have always been far removed from each other. If one of those is right, then the other should be completely wrong. If this is about two Indian systems of astrology, think of comparing them with your week's predictions by a numerologist or a Chinese astrologer. You'll probably end up with a handful of zodiac signs against your name and a bagful of uncertainties in your head.

Sometimes I think India's shortfalls in scientific achievements are entirely due to this basic faith in this fatalistic obscurantism that our neo-fanatics call a 'scientific discipline'. Why do these guys believe that the past was better than the present is? No doubt, the past has always shown the way; and in most cases how not to take things for granted. I fear Dr. Joshi and his gang are forgetting this lesson while making efforts to not only stand but also to stay on past glories, unverifiable. (If they can prove the existence of a Saraswati Valley civilization with a satellite photograph, what can't they do?)

I have known girls who knew the character sketches of all Zodiac signs, as told by Linda Goodman, by heart. In fact, I have even noticed some of them crosschecking Goodman's 'Love Signs' to check if I was the lamb they had been waiting for, just 15 minutes after being introduced to my ever-charming personality. Fortunately my Cancerian crabbiness helped me escape most such sweeties. After all, why don't you guys see man as a man and woman as a woman, and in them something beyond the characteristics that you have read about? (Well, don't blame the deceptive clothing they may be clad in.)

A suggestion, if you're still doubtful. Try reverse psychology or whatever fancy thing they call it. Try living out a typical zodiac every month, as sketched by Ms. Goodman, month after month. Try being a two-timing Gemini in the month of June, an indecisive Cancerian in the month of July and a forceful Leo in August. You'll still be you, only more interesting. If you're with me, I assure you this is the most auspicious time to say no to almanacs and all maniacs who feverishly advocate them. These men want to thrust on us stars and planets and if you let them, a few meteors too. So, feel free to use your choicest expletives against these children of unknown parentage, says Mahabali.