Almost all dreamy men take a stab at poetry when they are young and foolish. Not so long ago, I too started venturing into this romantic province. And, one of my early poems was on growing a beard. Only vaguely do I remember the poem - just the lines on why not every Tom and Dick can be Hairy and how Babur and Akbar saved on their barber. Those were still the juvenile days of my beard when I was idealizing every other bearded bard and the likes of Lenin, Marx and Periyar. Now, even after having let various types of blades touch my facial skin a few thousand times, I'm not clear about the functional purpose of the hair on face. But there are umpteen reasons for a man to want to grow a beard: from the desire to look better, to keep warmer in winter.

This reminds me of the bloke I read about the other day. He shaved off half his beard one winter, i.e., the right side of his face, to test the theory that beard made one feel warmer. He says the bearded side of his face really felt more comfortable. And another advantage of a beard, he found out, was the better wind-resistance. Though a fervent supporter of innovation and experimentation, being of a scientific bent of mind, I think his test had an inherent flaw. I feel that he should have tested it with the other side of his face too, before he made the conclusions. But, by the time he manages to grow it, the winter would have gone and what would guarantee that the quality of the winter and his physiological conditions would all be same the next winter?

I do pity him for the lack of balance that he encountered as one side of his face was heavier. Undoubtedly, 'the beard' has always carried some weight. By weight, I mean the spiritual mass of it. Every time I grow a beard, I care for it like I would care for a son. I don't, however, consider shaving an impermissible mutilation. I don't agree with the Sunnah, the Islamic way, that growing the beard is wajib (mandatory) for all males capable of doing so. (Allah curses those men who imitate the women, and He curses those women who imitate the men - Al-Bukhari). To me, shaving the beard is not haram (prohibited), but not properly cleaning and maintaining it is.

When I graduated from a goatee and grew a full beard for the first time, one of my teachers asked me what was the story behind my facial hair. I said "Growth," and still think of it as one of my smartest retorts for such a dumb query. And one of my best remembered conversations from college days is when a wretched friend of mine complained about his beard that reminded him of the scarce crowd for night shows of Hindi films in our Tamil city. Another interesting discussion that I'll savour all my life was the one with a wittier (not very sober, though) friend who came up with this fantastic theory on why only men have beards. According to him, ages ago a natural atomic explosion had been triggered off at a uranium deposit on a stormy night. Then, the first man and his woman - both furry apes at the time - were engaged in an excitingly intimate activity assuming a queer position (that could only be demonstrated) and the radiation affected them in such a way that they retained hair only on certain parts of their bodies.

Whatever the truth may be, to me fur on the chin always denotes the moral fiber of the owner. I've found almost all the bearded men I've come across to be more dependable, honest and unwavering (even if their beard was wavering). Unfortunately, 'the beard', to be associated with these wonderful qualities, has become a symbol of religiousness. It would be interesting to check out why almost all religions, at one stage or the other, stressed on beards for their priests and preachers. Could it be the air of authority that came with it? Sometimes I even wonder if the state of our political affairs would be better if we had bearded men at the helm. For all it is worth, I can continue writing about this shaggy subject for pages and pages. But, considering the majority of the readers from the other gender who can hardly understand the pleasures of growing a beard I'll stop here. Anyhow, I also appreciate women who tolerate bearded men. After all, we bearded straight men have never really felt someone else's hairy jaw. I'll end with an appeal to the girls - the beard-hating majority: Give your man a free hand to pensively stroke his beard; let your man enjoy a truly hair-raising experience; let your man grow!