First Impressions

"…and this is Mr. Hariharan Mahadevan, one of the smartest guys at Globus Tech," said Pratap Shinde, the HR coordinator, as he made the introduction. I expected Hari to smile, or act modest, or at least look embarrassed. But his reaction was nowhere in the vicinity of my expectations. On the contrary, he just looked at me and said a formal "hello," and promptly got back to work. His eyes had a streak of arrogance and his cold smile was sarcastic. It unnerved me.

It was my first day at Globus Tech and I was a little apprehensive about my new assignment. I had anticipated that the people would be friendly and casual. But the atmosphere here was cold and indifferent. "Meet Mr. Bhupathy, our Database Administrator," Shinde went on. I shook hands with all of them. Most of them had a very official demeanor, but Hari had seemed different. Weird. Bigheaded. Those were my first impressions of Hari. Hari, the invincible - that I eventually branded him as.

A couple of days later, I was made in-charge of the company's in-house newsletter. We were discussing who should constitute the editorial team, when Hari's name came up.

"Take Hari on board," my boss said. "He's damn good." I grimaced at the very thought. Hari, that arrogant-looking chap? Oh, no…

I saw him that afternoon in the conference hall. He smiled. But again, I couldn't help noticing his cold nature. He was smart, and that was obvious from the way he spoke. He exuded intelligence. There were no doubts about it. But then he seemed to have an air of superiority around him. I tried ignoring him. But I couldn't, as he intimidated me. Surrounded. Uneasy. My confidence was betraying me. Finally, the meeting was over and I heaved a sigh of relief.

Time and again I wondered why Hari was so strange. Rumors about his 'pretty girlfriend' drifted across the cubicles and made their way to my ears. Oh, so he had a steady girlfriend. So what? That did not entitle him to ignore the rest of womankind!

He would be there at every meeting about the newsletter. He would come up with good suggestions too. But he always had that cynical look in his eyes. A look, which appeared to mock me, saying, "You are dumb." He scared me. I avoided him most of the time. I wished I had never met him. And I took great care to act 'professional' when he was around.

A few days later, Hari came to me and said, "Hi, how you doin' today?" I was astonished, but I tried not to show it. I responded with a warm smile and soon we were engrossed in an interesting conversation. He was telling me about his friend Murthy, who had written a movie script. He said, "Why don't you review it and give me your feedback?" I felt flattered. So he actually considered me good enough. I smiled contentedly and agreed to do it for him.

The following week, he gave me Murthy's number. Murthy and I seemed to hit it off well. I told Hari the same evening that we were getting along famously, and that Murthy was so much better than him. Of course, it was intended to be a joke, but Hari appeared to have taken offence, for I received a very defensive mail from him the following day. It said, "Sure, my friend is better than me. You say that because you haven't seen my work." It disorientated me. The confident, self-assured Hari was virtually competing with his own friend! However, it brought a smile to my lips.

One day Murthy phoned me to say he wanted to meet me. I consented. A few hours later, Hari, Murthy and I were at the popular Corner House happily hogging ice creams and fruit salads. Murthy turned out to be an introverted and reticent guy, quite converse to my expectations. Hari and I chattered away. That day, I got a glimpse of the real Hari hiding behind that rough and tough exterior. He was simple, yet complicated. He was humorous, yet sombre. He was talkative, yet silent. He was disquieting, yet comforting. I realized that Hari was a person of immense capabilities. He could harm, but he could heal too.

Subsequently, Hari and I started exchanging mails regularly. A couple of times we chatted casually too. Hari had a lot of questions about life, love, friendship, hypocrisy and so many such things. His questions were thought-provoking. And in trying to answer his queries, I found solutions to many an unanswered query myself. I started putting things in perspective, just to answer him. This way he helped me learn a lot about myself too. Albeit unknowingly.

I then got to know about his fears, his ambitions and even his love life. His greatest fear was his future. And that was because he had had an appalling past. He confided in me about all that had happened to him. His story was heartrending. He trusted me. And that brought me close to him.

He too, like most others wanted to make money. A lot of it. "For many purposes," he said when I asked him why he wanted to earn so much. His answer was ambiguous. But he said it with an expression which indicated his disinclination to discuss the subject any further. His ideas about love and marriage amazed me. He told me about his girlfriend, about how he had proposed to her, and even about his first date. "Neethi did not exist at first. I discovered her," he quipped. "I started liking her just as I like any other friend of mine. She became very close to me. Now I love her. And this kind of love can happen only with a girl. It can happen between a guy-guy and a girl-girl too. But I don't fit into those categories. And I stop myself from sharing the same kind of love with any other girl. I would love to do it, but the rules are defined and clear, and that's what stops me. Finally the purpose for me ends with sex and comfort, but later, once we have a child, I guess I will love my child more than I love Neethi."

Hari's sense of humor was remarkable. He could be very hilarious at times. When I told him that, he suddenly became wistful. "What could possibly be the confessions of a humorist?" he wondered aloud. Then he said to me, "You are a writer. Write about it."

We had a couple of tete-a-tetes, and then I declared that I would write. Not about some unknown humorist, but about him. And here I am, writing about the weird but affable Hariharan Mahadevan.

In the days that followed, Hari and I shared a lot of things. Now we are great pals. Now there is no need for me to put on 'professionalism'. I can be myself with him. Just as he is himself with me. Hari has made me realize that first impressions can be extremely erroneous. Well, henceforth I will never go by the first impression. Will you?