Frustrating, annoying, irritating, unproductive… well, you would perhaps use any or all of these adjectives to describe a traffic jam. Anyone would. Rather, any normal person would. And that is where I differ. Call me insane. I don't care. But I just love traffic jams. And I have my reasons.

While you wait for that never-ending red signal to turn green, what do you usually do? Count the seconds as they tick by slowly? Fidget? Curse under your breath? Think about the zillion odd things that you could do if only you could get the hell out of this frustrating traffic?

Consider this.

You are driving home after an exhausting day at work, and it suddenly begins to rain. You look around desperately and finally spot a small medical shop with an asbestos roof that promises temporary integument.

By the time you park your bike and get there, half a dozen people have already assembled under your precious 'shelter' and are vying with each other, pushing and pulling, for cover from the rain.

Somehow you manage to find some space amidst that unruly crowd of strangers. As you stand there, huddled together with so many other half-drenched, strange-looking people, an old hag decides to sneeze into your face, without even covering her mouth, forget excusing herself. Droplets of tobacco-stained saliva fall on your already soiled white shirt. GOD! How irritating!

And then there is this tiny street urchin, perched on his mother's hip. Looking at your expression, he decides to relieve himself. Yikes! You hate the smell of urine. So, in spite of the rain, you just decide to ride back.

But alas! Even the bike seems to have something against you. You try hard, but the darn thing refuses to start. You kick it with fury, uttering the choicest of abuses and finally the poor thing gives in. As the bike roars into life, you sneeze. You curse that woman for passing on the cold to you. Then you leave.

A few minutes later, you are at the signal. That eternal red light. The ceaseless wait. The impatient honks. You are totally drained out. In the middle of all this, someone decides to wake you up by knocking the saree guard of your bike ever so slightly. You flare up. Scream. Hurl abuses. In the meantime, the signal turns green. But you are so preoccupied with abusing the guy who hit you that you overlook it. A few seconds later, you turn around and lo! The signal turns red again.

***

I have encountered situations like the one I just described above. However, I was frustrated only the first couple of times. Eventually, I not only got used to it, but I also started enjoying such predicaments. How? Well, I guess learnt the art of genuine appreciation.

These days, I just admire the scenic beauty of overflowing drains and smelly garbage dumps. I smile at people who cough and sneeze without so much as an ounce of sense to cover their mouths. I enjoy seeing people who fall off their vehicles in an attempt to get past the signal lights, even if it means being hit by a couple of cyclists or rickshaw drivers from behind. Well, it's all in the game!

And above all, I openly appreciate people who take great pride in spitting on the roads and urinating along compound walls. How civilized! Wow, it is amazing. You will not get to see anything even remotely similar to such behavior anywhere else in the world. So you can stick your chin in the air and utter proudly, "Mera Bharat Mahaan!"

And traffic? Oh, I just love it. In fact, I try to cause as much public annoyance as possible, by turning off the ignition just before the signal turns green, so that people can exercise their vocal chords by screaming at me. In the process, my vocabulary of abuses improves substantially.

I love getting stuck in the traffic jam, particularly when it rains. The miniature Niagara Falls that get created along the road are certainly worth appreciation. And the ultimate cooperation of traffic cops is commendable. Over the years, they have mastered the art of complicating situations so much that traffic jams extend for hours instead of minutes, providing the public with hours of endless entertainment and opportunities to relish the beauty around them.

And, not to mention the splendor of potholes and broken drains that allow the general public to gain mastery in their acrobatic skills. Bangalore's traffic is sure to thicken your nerves and make you strong enough to face anything - even another set of attacks on the WTC, perhaps.

Someone said, "I have no time to stand and stare." Well, ask him to come over to Bangalore. I could direct him to the perfect traffic bottlenecks, where he can encounter the longest of traffic jams. Then he can then stand and stare for as long as he wants.

Kudos to Bangalore and its traffic!