Family of the Bride by Roopa Sarah Thomas

Weddings in my family can give Sooraj “Hum Aapke Hain Kaun” Barjatya a run for his money. Preparations in the wedding house begin as soon as the bride and groom give their approval. The dates are fixed, after which the bride begins shopping for sarees and jewelry. Meanwhile, the groom busies himself with the choosing of an appropriate suit, amidst long calls to his wife-to-be.

A week before the wedding, steady streams of relatives begin pouring in. Apart from an army of first cousins, aunts and uncles, one is also prepared for an outpouring of grandmother’s sisters, their children and grandchildren. Then there are friends and neighbors who show as much enthusiasm in wanting to be part of the celebrations.

Once when a cousin got married, her husband’s side decided to conduct the engagement. “Only the immediate family”, they said. On the day of the engagement, while the groom waited for the fiancée with his parents, siblings, aunts and their families, my cousin walked in with four uncles, their wives, three aunts, their husbands and twenty-two first cousins. The disappointed second cousins and their families made it two months later, for the wedding.

These weddings are usually incomplete without the booze parties. While some of the women busy themselves in the kitchen, others relax in various corners of the house. The bride is subjected to much teasing by the cousins, while her indulgent parents look over with slight smiles. Nostalgia sets in often, as aunts and uncles begin discussing the times when they were married. And if lucky, after much begging, a grandmother’s sister would settle down to describe her experiences as a bride. The men would then get drawn into card games. The bottles are brought out, after which someone would sneak into the kitchen and emerge with a plate-full of fried meat. The fun-filled game would begin while the kids indulged in one-rupee bets over who would win. And when the players got high after a few more glasses of liquor, they would get up and dance to popular tunes. The music would get louder and they would run into the kitchens and dining rooms to drag their wives out. Armed with handycams, we would record the activity. And those of us who weren’t too proud of our dancing skills would retreat into the bathrooms. Dinner followed. The men would sit down with the children, while the women served generous portions. After them, the women would sit down to eat. During all this excitement, the bride/groom is locked in her/his bedroom. “If you stay up late, you will look tired tomorrow,” warn the aunts after making sure the bride/groom has eaten an early dinner. But the men who think otherwise pop in from time to time, to drag her/ him outside, for a round of dancing. After dinner, the bride’s/groom’s mother gets busy deciding on the sleeping arrangements. While the older lot is given comfortable beds, the rest lie down wherever there is space. Rows of people lie down in the drawing room and dining room pushing aside the furniture. And by the time everyone sleeps, it's already time to get up.

The cooks wake up first to make the breakfast. The mistress of the house is also up by then to monitor their activities. Some of the other women wake up to help and soon everyone else is awake. During breakfast, the men aren’t as excitable as they were the previous night. Amidst a few jokes, they bark orders at lazy young children. “Eat up your breakfast and get ready.” They are also worried about whether everyone will get to church on time. So after an often hurried breakfast, there is a scramble for bathrooms. The lucky few manage comfortable baths, while the rest wait in queues, hoping their sarees and shirts don’t get too crushed. And when you do manage to finish your bath, you have trouble finding a mirror to look into, while combing your hair and applying makeup. The bride and groom however have the luxury of having their own rooms to get dressed in. And by the time everyone is ready, the priest is ready for prayers in the house. An air of seriousness takes over. A few people (the bride included) get emotional and sentimental. A few tears later, everyone is seated inside cars that are ready to take them to church.

The church wedding is usually long and solemn. The women stand on one side with covered heads, while the men stand on the other side with folded arms and serious expressions. Sometimes we stand outside to welcome guests and walk in only when its time for the thali to be tied. And when the groom perfects the much-practiced act of tying the thali, everyone smiles and gets ready to congratulate the couple.

When the ceremony is completed, photographers and video men push their way in for the perfect shots. After a picture of the happy couple with the priest, they are forced to pose with perfect smiles with every member in the family. Occasionally an aunt would sulk and leave if she was forgotten. But on the whole, everyone was happy and well prepared for the next step: the biriyani.

A favourite with our weddings is the biriyani that is served with pickle, salad and pappad. This was usually followed by ice cream. During this time, the hosts make sure the guests are seated and comfortable. And, the bride and groom walk around meeting the guests. After the guests have finished, the couple and the hosts settle down to eat. The couple is allowed some privacy. So they sit together while the rest of the family sits a few tables away chattering happily. Children however prefer tosit beside the bejewelled bride till she bribes them into leaving by giving them her share of the ice cream. The photographers however continue clicking tirelessly.

By then end of all this, we are all tired and a little sad because the fun times are over temporarily till the next person gets married. After the wedding, the men indulge in another round of drinking, while the women talk about getting back to their old routines. The tired few sleep on empty beds and chairs, and the couple is rushed to a five-star hotel afterwards. The rest of the family then settles down to discuss the next big event when they will get to have as much fun. With the end of each wedding there is some sadness. But then doesn’t every cloud have a silver lining? With such a big family we are blessed with these regular get-togethers. If it isn’t a wedding or an engagement, it is a baptism or a 60th birthday party or a silver wedding anniversary. Otherwise, who needs a reason? We have these family get togethers anyway.