Dollar Power

Foreign-returned relatives have always been a source of much amusement. Preparations begin weeks before their planes land. The rooms are cleared, and sometimes painted. Those households that do not have an air conditioner acquire one. The water is filtered and boiled carefully, if one can’t afford litres and litres of Bisleri a day. And a lot of food is bought and cooked, Indian Ishtyle.

Not all of these guests are fussy and pretentious, but I choose to amuse myself and my readers with anecdotes of those who left ordinary, and returned extraordinary!

Sheila (name has been changed) has lived in America for twelve years, since her "much spoken about" wedding in 1989. The whole of Kottayam was invited and her parents played the perfect hosts by making sure everyone was comfortable and envious. Decked in five layers of necklaces, Sheila eventually followed her husband, after a month of waiting for her visa. After living in Kottayam for twenty-three years, her visits home were now limited to a month each summer. Carrying presents for everyone possible, she came each year giving everyone something more to laugh about. The first time she returned, she insisted on speaking Malayalam with an Americanized accent. The second time, she had forgotten Malayalam and spoke only in English. The third time, her food habits had changed. From dosa and appam, her preferences had moved to lasagna and steaks. The year after that saw a new Sheila. Her long hair had been cut and her saris had been replaced by shorts and tops. Wearing them, she toured the streets of the Kottayam she had long forgotten, mildly conscious of the generous stares the roadside Romeos were giving her. By then, her relatives were used to her changes. In private they laughed, but never let her think she was making a fool of herself. Finally, before she left, she pointed to a lizard with a terrified expression and whispered, "What is that." And everyone burst into peels of laughter, till an irritated uncle asked her if she hadn’t encountered one in the twenty-three years she was in Kottayam.

I have a couple of relatives who fall into this category as well. A cousin, who was going to Canada after years of staying in Kerala, made sure his wife wore a trousers and top for the journey. And then, to our amazement, he followed with his son (aged three) and both of them were in suits. They returned for a holiday, after three years speaking only English and flaunting their presents.

But things are different when foreigners become part of the family. When an uncle announced that he was marrying a foreigner, he was met with much opposition. But he had made his decision and they got married. After a small holiday in India, they left for the US, returning only for holidays. Most relatives were of course curious about the American bahu. But unlike all those desis who pretend to be pardesis, she proved to be quite unassuming. Dressed in ordinary saris and salwar kameez sets, she visited all the relatives in Kerala. Everywhere she went, she showed pictures of her three children, putting everyone at ease with her friendly nature.

So when you see people like her, you wonder why the others appear so pompous and pretentious after three years in America. Can’t label them all false of course, as many return as they were before they left. With their Indian accents intact, they come to India dreaming about those Indian delicacies that they’ve missed for a while.

But then I guess we will get to see all kinds of people returning from foreign countries. Never ending queues at the consulates are proof of the number of people who want to leave India. While those from the US return sometimes with accents and big stories, those from the Middle East return with dark glasses, gold bracelets, thick gold chains and loads of presents. Each one paints a different picture of their experiences there and we listen to them, fascinated and amused. And sometimes you also wonder if life is as rosy as they make it seem. But by the time the departure of one sinks in, you begin preparations for the arrival of the next guest. And then begins another interesting experience!