There is always a problem with asking people to confront what is obvious simply because what is obvious is usually incidental, nothing that we have to spend time thinking about. Most aspects of our lives are accepted and never dissected. Why do you have to take up a job when you grow up? Why do you have to get married? Why do some people like cats and some people like dogs? Why do we like some people and not others? You know that last question is the toughest one. Why DO we like some people and not others? Often we even dislike people with whom we find a lot of common ground. Anyway, it's ironic I often have tense relationships with people who I find are a lot like me. Conversations become awkward and we usually avoid looking each other in the eye.

You know I could have simply looked at John and realized what kind of a person I am. But me being me, fearless old me, I had to call him up and brazen it out. I had a short list of people and John was the first of my relatives. John's a cousin's husband. I don't think it'd be necessary to mention here that the cousin and I are very close - she likes me as much she loves John. I didn't understand why though until she told me he reminded her of me. Anyway John was another abort.

So I called him up over the phone.

John: John.

Me: uhb... buhb… I... uhb…

The man had the easiest way of making me uncomfortable. I had this elaborate opening piece planned that began obviously with me asking if I could speak to John. John scuttled it by telling me it was him right away and I was immediately at a loss for words. Things went pretty much downhill from there.

John: Hello?

Me: uh... Hi... It's me J.

John: J who?

Me: J… your cousin's wife… I mean…

John: (laughing) Yeah, yeah, how are you, J? What's up?

Great. First I open my mouth and then put my foot in it, but before I could correct myself and tell him it was his wife's cousin, he stopped me short. It was like he knew it was J the moment some nutcase called up and blurted something stupid on the phone.

Me: (laughing awkwardly) Yeah Hi. Just thought I'd call you and find out how Alice is doing?
John : She's doing fine but you could call her up and find that out, you know. She might appreciate the call more than I will. Unless you want to talk to me about her. I hope she's not cheating on me or something.

He laughed, like he knew she wasn't and I would be stupid to suggest that. In fact he suggested I was stupid anyway. Normally that would have been me, rubbing somebody's nose in the dirt if they bothered me with a 'crank' call. See what I mean by very similar?

Me: Actually I didn't want to bother her you know. And anyway you and I never talk much to each other so I thought I'd call you instead.

(After a pause)

John: J, did Alice ask you to give me a call or something? I know she wants both of us to get along better than we do.

Me: No… Not really… Ummm…

Things had gone bad enough as they were so I thought I'd square up here and get things out in the open. John is fairly straightforward and it usually doesn't help if you try and couch your intentions.

Me: OK I'll be honest with you, John. I was just doing this small self-evaluation exercise and I thought I'd ask people, I mean only a select few, what they think of me, you know. I just wanted to find out how other people perceive me, you know.

There was a prolonged silence before John finally spoke.

John: OK J, let me be honest here. I really don't have any idea of what you are trying here but if you have some kind of identity crisis or something, you should see a shrink. If you really want to find out who you are, I think you should see a professional instead of coming to me.

I knew I had to get out while I was only so far behind so I told John to forget it, made some small talk and then got on with the rest of my day. Alice did ring me up later. She sounded very concerned about what John had told her when he came home from work. It took me quite some time to convince her about what I really was trying and when she finally did she gave me this pep talk about how I was this special, smart, intelligent and very good-looking guy who needn't worry about a thing. Well at least she had something nice to say even if she still sounded very concerned when she put the phone down.
Warning: main(commenter1.php) [function.main]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/.barton/nsigamany/zine5.com/archive/srini21.php on line 140

Warning: main() [function.include]: Failed opening 'commenter1.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php') in /home/.barton/nsigamany/zine5.com/archive/srini21.php on line 140