Looking back on my years of childhood, it seems my family has always been gifted with kindly and good-hearted neighbours. In fact, my first memory of neighbours is of the Muslim family that stayed just behind our house (with four kids, so it was great fun for me) and the Christian family that stayed opposite us (three sons, all of who were little rowdies but surprisingly shy when it came to girls).

It was quite the ideal, filmi style friendship that we three families, one Muslim, one Hindu and one Christian, shared. It went beyond the usual conversations across the fence (or gate, as the case may be), sharing dishes and invitations on special occasions. It was as if our social and personal lives overlapped to such an extent that we neighbours were almost family - we did not have any secrets from each other and we turned to each other whenever help was needed. Yes, quite Utopian by today's standards.

I remember I was entrusted to the care of Farida aunty whenever my parents were out the whole evening - they lived in a sprawling house with huge rooms and a big courtyard, just right for all our games and for running about. My parents even allowed me to spend nights at their place, something unheard of at my age, after a lot of pleading from my two Muslim girlfriends and me. The next morning, I would go back home through the parting in the fence between our houses, created just to facilitate such comings and goings! Rita aunty (who lived opposite us) always had kind words for us children and lots of exotic sweets and biscuits (her husband was working abroad).

When we moved out a little distance away, we children lost touch amidst growing up and being exposed to various other circles, but our mothers are friends even now. From my mother I learnt that Rita aunty still lives in the same place but Farida aunty's family had to shift to a smaller place in another suburb after Uncle's business fell into bad days. Farida aunty would still visit Mom when she came to our side of town and we were special invitees at the two girls' weddings.

At the new dwelling, our neighbours were a retired couple who had spent most of their lives in the United States and had come back to settle down here. At their place, for the first time, I saw French windows, vases arranged daily with fresh flowers, a den with walls lined with wooden shelves containing all kinds of books, and a deep leather armchair, a lazy-Susan dining table and other such decorative pieces that I had only read about previously. They were friendly but not overly so - quite the "antiseptic US" approach (as a friend calls it) to neighbours. My parents had an uncomplicated, undemanding relationship with them and I became a frequent visitor as they too indicated their pleasure in my company - perhaps they looked upon me as a godchild. I owe my introduction to and my love for Scrabble to them.

After we went to live in our own house, we now have two mamis for neighbours, that is to say two households whose main spokesperson was the eldest female member, the U4 mami and the U6 mami, the numbers identifying which side of our house they were on. Both are generous to a fault, matched only by my father. Both their families have been with us during all our ups and downs and I have always felt their blessings were with me wherever I went.

Now, the present scenario: My husband and I live in an apartment block in Chennai where neighbours do not seem to notice if we are in town or not, maybe some do not even know our names or what we do. Ok, we show the same indifference towards them. Who has the time? All we know about them is what TV programmes they watch and when they have guests - the distances are mental not physical! I tried to make friends with my neighbour's three-year-old son only to give up as he proved to be such a smart aleck. Occasionally, someone would ring our bell to discuss if we needed to buy more water (major issue in our city), or about who forgot to lock the gate the previous night!

Is it the big city culture or are times changing? Or is it both? Or is it just a matter of being lucky in getting nice neighbours?